Logic with Lola

I like Lola Kutty. She has a presence and a sense of humour that most VJs, MJs and RJs lack nowadays. And I like her more now that I've met her. It happened earlier this week.

Where? Phoenix Mills, Lower Parel.

How? Karan and I simply had nothing better to do after browsing through a range of cellphones (this was before I got my new Sony Ericsson Cybershot K810i) and laptops (especially the Sony Vaio P15 notepad) at Chroma. Karan suggested I accompany him to Marks and Spencers'. I didn't think it was a good idea. What did I care if Karan managed to find a pair of jeans he'd fit into. But Karan persisted and I agreed. As we climbed down the stairs I spotted Lola in a sari and wearing a gajra. I told Karan, "Wonder what Lola Kutty's doing here."

Karan, as enthusiastic as he always is to grab his piece of attention, decided to stop right next to the cameraman to have a closer look. I asked him, "Why don't you chat Lola up?" "Aah, let's see." "You'll be on national TV," I said.

Seeing Karan and me debating over his TV debut, the show's producer asked us if we would be interested in participating in a quiz. "I want him (Karan) to participate." The producer said, "If he's there, we'll need you too. It's a boy versus a girl kind of a thing." "No way, not me," I said, suggesting that I'd procure a girl to compete with Karan. I love quizzes but I hate the camera. The producer persisted, encouraged by Karan's pleas to me to participate.

The wait: We were asked to wait for 'five minutes' that lasted half an hour. The first 15 minutes, I looked for ways to run away, but with Karan in tow, I couldn't find a way to scoot. Then, as we kept waiting, I realised my hands were trembling. I decided to go to the washroom to get away from it all, hoping that those guys would be gone. But when I returned, I saw the grin on Karan's face that told me that we were ready to roll camera.

Meet Lola: A small chat with Lola aka Anuradha Menon put me at ease. I asked her how long it took her to get ready. She said, "Now, it's only 1.5 hours." Ouch! "I don't like this wig anymore. I feel like throwing it away and getting a new one." It's only then I noticed the gajra was made of artificial flowers.

As Lola and the producer got talking, I heard the word 'love'. "I'm not doing a love quiz with Karan, for god's sake," I said. Lola tried to calm me down by saying that the quiz was on Bollywood. I turned to look at Karan who was already making a mental note of all the movies he'd seen in his life. I said, "I don't even remember the name of the director of Sholay!" He said, "It's ok, Eish. It's Ramesh Sippy." Christ! How could I have forgotten him. He used to live a few blocks away from my house in Mumbai.

Then comes the quiz: "Action," the producer said, and I looked at two cameras zooming in on Karan, Lola and me. A shiver ran down my spine. If I could, I would have made a 100 metre dash. But I had told the producer that I am a journo and journos can't be cowards, right? So I stayed put as Lola fiddled with her faulty lapel mike and held onto her boomer like a child holds a candy stick.

The five-question quiz was easy. For one, neither of us had the presence of mind to spot the trick questions. We answered that a hole in the ground would have one cubic metre of mud, that there would be eight birds left in a field if two were shot, that February is the only month with 28 days, etc. At least Karan got one right. My one right answer wasn't accounted for because it had got lost in the lengthy explanation that followed. That was our strategy: Since we weren't getting any answers right, we thought of confusing Lola with our lengthy explanations. When Lola came to the last question, she looked at me and said, "This is the do-or-die situation for you. If you get this wrong Karan will win." "I don't want to die," I said. "Even we don't want you to die. It's not 'that' kind of a show," said Lola, implying Jade Goody. "But you have to raise the flag of womanhood." I looked at her, "I can't see the flag." She waved her hand and said, "Imagine this as a flag." "Sheesh! They can't even afford flags at Channel [V], now. Cost-cutting I must say." "Don't even get me started on the pay," Lola responded.

Lola asked me the question, one that I have answered right in several dozen quizzes. I was about to open my mouth when I looked into the camera. It was closing in on me. I looked at Lola again and muttered something I knew was not correct. The error wasn't intentional. Something about the camera made me go blank.

The prize: Karan won the quiz by getting just one question right. I was glad that the ordeal was over. My hands finally stopped shaking and I was myself again. And then I asked Lola about the prize. Lola asked the assistant producers for the Lola rulers but they'd left it at office. Karan won the quiz and got nothing. When Lola asked him what he wanted for prize, he pointed towards me and said, "I'd rather take her than anything else." As we thanked Lola and moved away I put my arm around Karan... to strangle him!

Wise words later: Karan said, "Relax Eish, we managed to entertain with our stupidity and had fun too! I don't live in India, you don't live in Mumbai and anyways, who watches Channel [V]?" Finally, some wise words...