Authors: Allan and Barbara Pease
Publisher: Manjul Publishing
Pages: 300
Price: Rs 195
Eisha Sarkar
Published on Mumbai Mirror on Monday, May 03, 2010 at 05:49:07 PM
Why Men Don't Listen & Women Can't Read Maps - you really wouldn't want to know, would you? But as you inch closer to the bookshelf to have closer look at it, you try to tell yourself that the book can't tell you anything more than you already know. You then pick it up and flip through the introduction. You surprise yourself by actually reading a paragraph or two. And then you've got it safely tucked under your arm.
This is what 'Mr Body Language' Allan Pease and conference-speaker wife Barbara do to you with their book. It's not one of those boring, dull relationship books that preach how you should behave with the opposite sex. Why Men Don't Listen & Women Can't Read Maps starts a conversation with the reader. Tracing the history of the two sexes back to the Stone Age where man was the hunter and woman was the nest-defender, the Peases reason it out why men are good at certain tasks - driving, engineering, sport - while women are better than others - art, teaching, personnel management.
It's all about evolution
They write, "Men and women evolved differently because they had to. Men hunted, women gathered. Men protected, women nurtured. As a result, their bodies and brains evolved completely different ways. As their bodies physically changed to adapt to their specific functions, so did their minds.... Over millions of years, the brain structures of men and women thus continued to change in different ways. Now, we know the sexes process information differently. They think differently. They believe in different things. They have different perceptions, priorities and behaviours. To pretend otherwise, is a recipe for heartache, confusion and disillusionment all your life."
Wired differently
The difference between men and women is all in the brain, the writers note. Why men have better spatial vision, hence better driving, navigation and parking skills, and why women have better peripheral vision and hence can never be caught ogling at guys at a party is due to the brain chemistry.
Why women talk too much
How the brain functions is also responsible for why the sexes talk so differently, why women can multi-task while men find it hard, why men listen like statues or don't listen at all.
The authors quote a study on Italian women to find out why men feel nagged. "Italian women are top talkers speaking up to 6,000-8,000 words a day. They use an additional 2,000-3,000 vocal sounds to communicate, as well as 8,000-10,000 gestures, facial expressions, head movements and other body signals. This gives these women a daily average of more than 20,000 communication 'words' to relate their messages...
"Contrast a woman's daily 'chatter' to that of a man. He utters just 2,000-4,000 words and 1,000-2,000 vocal sounds, and makes a mere 2,000-3,000 body language signals. His daily average adds up to around 7,000 communication 'words'... This speech difference becomes apparent at the end of the day when a man and a woman sit down together for dinner. He's completed his 7,000 words and has no desire to communicate any more... she still has up to 15,000 to go!"
Homosexuality is an in-born trait!
The development of an XY foetus to a baby boy starts about six weeks from conception where the foetus receives a massive dose of male hormones called androgens which first forms the testes and then a second dose to alter the brain from a female format to a male configuration. The authors reason that if the foetus doesn't receive adequate male hormone at the appropriate time, a baby boy may be born with a brain structure that is more feminine who will most likely be gay by puberty or a genetic boy may be born with a fully functional female brain and a set of male genitals.
Contradicting gay activists, the authors stress that homosexuality is not a matter of choice as they quote from several studies to prove that there's something called a 'gay gene'.
That the authors have given space to the sexual minorities in a book whose central theme is to explore the biology behind the stresses that damage man-woman relationships (PMS, remote control battles and promiscuity among others) is quite commendable.
The verdict
While several books now talk about differences between man and woman - most notably, Men Are From Mars and Women Are From Venus - this one goes beyond just stating the facts. The authors have explored differences in sensory capability, communication, sexual drive, academic ability and more with the intention of helping us understand why these differences occur. They also offer practical suggestions how men and women can cope with these differences and reduce stress in their lives.
Humourous, racy and packed with very good illustrations and information Why Men Don't Listen & Women Can't Read Maps is a good read. Learn you will, and if not, you'll certainly have a few laughs!
Publisher: Manjul Publishing
Pages: 300
Price: Rs 195
Eisha Sarkar
Published on Mumbai Mirror on Monday, May 03, 2010 at 05:49:07 PM
Why Men Don't Listen & Women Can't Read Maps - you really wouldn't want to know, would you? But as you inch closer to the bookshelf to have closer look at it, you try to tell yourself that the book can't tell you anything more than you already know. You then pick it up and flip through the introduction. You surprise yourself by actually reading a paragraph or two. And then you've got it safely tucked under your arm.
This is what 'Mr Body Language' Allan Pease and conference-speaker wife Barbara do to you with their book. It's not one of those boring, dull relationship books that preach how you should behave with the opposite sex. Why Men Don't Listen & Women Can't Read Maps starts a conversation with the reader. Tracing the history of the two sexes back to the Stone Age where man was the hunter and woman was the nest-defender, the Peases reason it out why men are good at certain tasks - driving, engineering, sport - while women are better than others - art, teaching, personnel management.
It's all about evolution
They write, "Men and women evolved differently because they had to. Men hunted, women gathered. Men protected, women nurtured. As a result, their bodies and brains evolved completely different ways. As their bodies physically changed to adapt to their specific functions, so did their minds.... Over millions of years, the brain structures of men and women thus continued to change in different ways. Now, we know the sexes process information differently. They think differently. They believe in different things. They have different perceptions, priorities and behaviours. To pretend otherwise, is a recipe for heartache, confusion and disillusionment all your life."
Wired differently
The difference between men and women is all in the brain, the writers note. Why men have better spatial vision, hence better driving, navigation and parking skills, and why women have better peripheral vision and hence can never be caught ogling at guys at a party is due to the brain chemistry.
Why women talk too much
How the brain functions is also responsible for why the sexes talk so differently, why women can multi-task while men find it hard, why men listen like statues or don't listen at all.
The authors quote a study on Italian women to find out why men feel nagged. "Italian women are top talkers speaking up to 6,000-8,000 words a day. They use an additional 2,000-3,000 vocal sounds to communicate, as well as 8,000-10,000 gestures, facial expressions, head movements and other body signals. This gives these women a daily average of more than 20,000 communication 'words' to relate their messages...
"Contrast a woman's daily 'chatter' to that of a man. He utters just 2,000-4,000 words and 1,000-2,000 vocal sounds, and makes a mere 2,000-3,000 body language signals. His daily average adds up to around 7,000 communication 'words'... This speech difference becomes apparent at the end of the day when a man and a woman sit down together for dinner. He's completed his 7,000 words and has no desire to communicate any more... she still has up to 15,000 to go!"
Homosexuality is an in-born trait!
The development of an XY foetus to a baby boy starts about six weeks from conception where the foetus receives a massive dose of male hormones called androgens which first forms the testes and then a second dose to alter the brain from a female format to a male configuration. The authors reason that if the foetus doesn't receive adequate male hormone at the appropriate time, a baby boy may be born with a brain structure that is more feminine who will most likely be gay by puberty or a genetic boy may be born with a fully functional female brain and a set of male genitals.
Contradicting gay activists, the authors stress that homosexuality is not a matter of choice as they quote from several studies to prove that there's something called a 'gay gene'.
That the authors have given space to the sexual minorities in a book whose central theme is to explore the biology behind the stresses that damage man-woman relationships (PMS, remote control battles and promiscuity among others) is quite commendable.
The verdict
While several books now talk about differences between man and woman - most notably, Men Are From Mars and Women Are From Venus - this one goes beyond just stating the facts. The authors have explored differences in sensory capability, communication, sexual drive, academic ability and more with the intention of helping us understand why these differences occur. They also offer practical suggestions how men and women can cope with these differences and reduce stress in their lives.
Humourous, racy and packed with very good illustrations and information Why Men Don't Listen & Women Can't Read Maps is a good read. Learn you will, and if not, you'll certainly have a few laughs!
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